A definitive catalogue of modern rom-coms
How we’ve been falling in love onscreen since the '80s
I listen to a lot of movie podcasts, so I feel like I’m up to my ears in commentary about how we as a society don’t have any movie stars anymore and don’t make rom-coms anymore. This commentary tends to collapse every rom-com since When Harry Met Sally into the same aesthetic, when it’s actually quite a varied genre. So this essay is my attempt to catalogue the varieties and put some respect on the rom-com’s name.
Even though rom-coms have been a key part of the cinematic landscape since the pictures started moving, the ‘90s seem to have a particular hold on people’s understanding on the genre. So we may as well start around there!
The Meg Ryan
AKA: The Sandra Bullock
Peak Era: 1989 - 1998
Leading Men: All-American and deeply sexless
The Vibe: cozy
Examples: When Harry Met Sally, While You Were Sleeping, You’ve Got Mail
This era was, in a lot of ways, a heteronormative reaction to the AIDS epidemic. This conservative streak particularly shows up in how little sex the main characters seem to have, and how often the leads won’t even kiss until the final moments of the film, if at all. The female leads wear a lot of layers, often including a shirt buttoned all the way to the top and opaque black tights. (There’s a reason that Meg Ryan Fall took the TikTok girlies by storm.) The men are all the inventors of dad jeans.
These movies are also often quite melancholy. Someone is usually mourning the loss of a loved one, or of a life they thought they would have; which makes their character more closed off to the idea of true romance, and which makes the ultimate romantic ending feel even more snuggly. When it comes to the genre, these rom-coms are the ultimate in comfort food.
The Julia Roberts
AKA: N/A, she’s peerless
Peak Era: 1990 - 2001
Leading Men: flirtatious with a wry twinkle in their eye
The Vibe: playfully subversive
Examples: Pretty Woman, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Notting Hill
While she often gets bundled in with Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts is truly not like the other girls. Julia Roberts is going to flirt, laugh louder than anyone, and fuck. Sex is a central part of her story. More than any other rom-com leading woman, Julia Roberts’s characters explicitly have a body count that either she or her love interest must reckon with. Her frank sexuality is part of why so many of her rom-coms subvert the genre in some meaningful way: in Pretty Woman, it’s a romance between a sex worker and her rich client; in My Best Friend’s Wedding, she’s the protagonist but not the romantic hero. And there’s no way that a Meg Ryan/Sandra Bullock rom-com would include either of them having a nude photo scandal like Julia did in Notting Hill.
She’s also often playing a tomboy who feels uncomfortable with some traditionally feminine or sophisticated archetype. She’ll almost definitely wear something menswear-inspired, whether it’s a vest-pants combo, a full suit, or just a man’s tie and nothing else. All that Cool Girl sexiness masks a vulnerability that she doesn’t want to acknowledge.
The Sanaa Lathan
AKA: The Nia Long
Peak Era: 1997 - 2006
Leading Men: Black GQ cover boys
The Vibe: grown
Examples: Something New, The Best Man, Brown Sugar
Did I watch a lot of rom-coms about Black women whose first love is their job because that’s who I am, or am I who I am because I watched all these Black rom-coms? It’s an impossible call.
Black rom-coms have always felt more sophisticated to me, perhaps because they aren’t concerned with the same kind of fluffy likability that white actors are. These are grown folk who listen to grown folk R&B and look impossibly good in grown folk clothes (rib knit turtlenecks under leather jackets). And more than anything, these movies feel like they’re about me and my friends. It may be because the actors work together so often that their friend chemistry leaps off the screen.
Sanaa Lathan/Nia Long rom-coms also provide a necessary counterpoint to the shockingly white depictions of Chicago and New York that we get from Meg, Sandra, and Julia. Like most mainstream movies, white rom-coms seem to go out of their way to avoid giving any people of color a meaningful presence, let alone romances of our own. But in these movies, we see as much of Sanaa and Nia’s work lives as we do their personal lives, and the romance isn’t the end-all but a vibrant part of a pretty rich life.
The J.Lo/Kate Hudson
AKA: The Reese Witherspoon
Peak Era: 2001 - 2005
Leading Men: laidback to the point that they’re barely present
The Vibe: frantic but glossy
Examples: The Wedding Planner, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Sweet Home Alabama
This is around the time that premises started to get too unwieldy for their stories, to the point that the romance got drowned out. Increasingly whimsical job titles and inorganic conflicts took center stage. The scores are also absolutely oppressive — if ever there were an era where the music is telling you how to feel about every single line, it was this one. It’s a very shouty, very breathless time.
If you couldn’t get Matthew McConaughey to be your leading man, you could probably get Josh Lucas. But for some reason, you could almost always get Matthew McConaughey. Either way, the leading man was always very laidback, which hid the latent anger issues that just being around the female lead would eventually bring to the surface. Those anger issues were supposed to be a sign of the two being perfect for each other, rather than a sign of trouble to come.
The Nancy Meyers
AKA: The Diane Keaton
Peak Era: 2003 - The Recession
Leading Men: aging sex symbols
The Vibe: rich
Examples: It’s Complicated, Something’s Gotta Give, The Holiday
The audience here is explicitly middle-aged women, so the romances are often as retrospective as they are hopeful. The lead is typically at a point in her life that affords her more power than the modal rom-com lead, and she’s often choosing between two men — the handsome rapscallion, and the nice guy. (It’s actually 50/50 on which one she chooses, but long-term compatibility always wins the day.) The pace is generally slower, with the runtimes running at least two hours.
The fact that Nancy Meyers movies are known as well for their dreamy real estate—and particularly, their kitchens—as for the romantic pairings says a lot about their defining appeal. They’re just as snuggly as a Meg Ryan movie, but the knits are casually luxurious rather than charmingly homemade. At least one character will comment on the female lead’s wealth, but she will never acknowledge it herself. Several characters will also comment on her strength, independence, and brilliance at her job; all of those qualities are inextricably linked to, and implicitly justify, her inescapable wealth. And that is why this subgenre came to a crashing halt when the Great Recession hit.
The Judd Apatow/Katherine Heigl
AKA: The Jennifer Aniston
Peak Era: 2005 - 2012
Leading Men: “charmingly” under-socialized
The Vibe: toxic
Examples: Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Break-Up
Mainstream rom-coms split into two halves at this point: anti-romantic meanderings with neanderthalic gender politics, and anti-romantic meanderings with neanderthalic gender politics directed at a male audience. Genuine sexiness curdled into raunch, and sweetness curdled into schmaltz. And there was a lot lot lot lot lot of barely edited improv.
Judd Apatow is also responsible for ushering in the tyrannical reign of the man-child as romantic lead. Farewell to the metrosexual (yes, gender politics were so rancid in the 2000s that we created an entire word for a straight man who cared about his appearance). Now we had men who proudly wore un-ironed slogan tees in public, and scoffed at the hot uptight women who asked them to care about literally anything.
This was not a good era.
The Love, Actually
AKA: The Smorgasbord
Peak Era: 2009 - 2012
Leading Men: as many as you can find
The Vibe: quantity over quality
Examples: He’s Just Not That Into You, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve
After Love, Actually made distilling several romantic stories down to their most essential beats look easy, star-studded ensembles became a hot commodity for a good while. Unfortunately, most of these movies ultimately proved that the Love, Actually model is not easy, and that you can’t rest on star power alone to make these romantic ensembles remotely enjoyable. By the time we got to Mother’s Day in 2016, the clock for these movies had already run out.
The Duplass
AKA: The Swanberg
Peak Era: 2011 - 2016
Leading Men: almost handsome, kind of funny
The Vibe: scruffy
Examples: Your Sister’s Sister, Drinking Buddies, The Big Sick
This whole era is a rejection of the high-gloss rom-com formula, even though it’s just as stylized and formulaic in its own way. There’s always at least one SNL cameo about 15 minutes in, and often a bit part played by someone who is less famous when filming than they were 10 years previously. There’s a lot of lampshading and loose improvisation. They deliberately avoid romantic catharsis in favour of immediacy and relatability. The characters’ lives are a mess, but the stakes feel intentionally small.
This is also when Marvel-speak started to seep into other genres, and rom-coms were not spared. Everyone is quipping self-referentially, so you’re rarely at risk of taking any of the romance seriously. In the best of these movies, that defense mechanism is actually interrogated in some way. But a lot of these movies aim at self-awareness, only to undershoot into self-consciousness.
The Christmas Movie
AKA: The Hallmark Movie
Peak Era: 2017 - present
Leading Men: mannequins
The Vibe: synthetic
Examples: A Christmas Prince, The Princess Switch, Christmas Under Wraps
I’ll admit that I have the least amount of experience with this sub-genre, because I’m a Grinch when it comes to non-Preacher’s Wife holiday romance. But Hallmark movies and their dupes are ratings monsters, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention them.
I’m also not even trying to be mean when I call these movies synthetic - that vibe is part of the appeal. Just like how mediocre slashers that could not possibly scare anyone appeal to me.
This is also the sub-genre where the male lead could not possibly matter less. He could be Stick Stickley for all anyone cares. He just needs dimples and hair.
The Zoey Deutch
AKA: The Streamer
Peak Era: 2019 - present
Leading Men: handsome character actors
The Vibe: twinkly
Examples: I Want You Back, Always Be My Maybe, Set It Up
It feels like we are finally back in an era of earnestness here! And Zoey Deutch has dragged us here, with her perky enthusiasm and eyes that mist on cue. These movies have the most in common with The Meg Ryan — twinkly rather than knowing, goofy rather than ironic, and often about romances that begin as friendships. Everyone who complains that “they” don’t make mid-budget movies anymore would do well to seek out some of these rom-coms.
I’m curious: where do your favourite rom-coms fit?
This is spot on!!!
The Stick Stickly comparison sent me!