Whether she likes it or not, Meg Ryan occupies the comfiest, coziest nook of the rom-com genre. Her most iconic contributions are snuggly, wistful, pointedly sexless charmers, intentionally soft in contrast to what felt like an increasingly spiky real world. One of the most intriguing aspects of Meg Ryan romcoms, particularly in her work with Nora Ephron, is how amicable her breakups tend to be. Even in a genre that studiously avoids confrontation, Meg’s breakups are notably conflict-free. They’re a beautiful fantasy of the end of a relationship that has run its course, where nobody yells and pain evaporates instantly. So for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to explore Meg’s three biggest rom-com breakups to get at what makes them work.
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
The couple: Sally Albright & Joe
Key line: “The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome at a moment’s notice.”
Meg’s first extremely chill breakup actually happens off-screen. We just hear Sally recounting the experienced to her new irritation-turned-friend Harry. In her telling of it, we get the overall framework for the quintessential Fine But Not Extraordinary Meg Ryan Relationship™️:
an explicitly stated agreement on shared values that should indicate long-term compatibility
a somewhat childish belief that one can opt out of life’s messiness if you just decide to
an abiding affection that smooths over the roughness of one person’s departure from the relationship
This being the earliest instance, though, means the formula isn’t quite set. Crucially, her placid emotional state gets shattered later in the movie when she learns that Joe is getting married and she’s gonna be 40 (someday!). Sally broke up with Joe believing that the right relationship would find her, but without feeling like she had encountered the right person yet. So her immediate post-breakup calm seems more attached to her belief that she’s in control enough to have transcended emotions altogether, rather than a true belief in real love.
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
The couple: Annie Reed & Walter
Key line: “I love you, but let’s leave that out of this.”
This breakup sticks out most in my mind because I saw Sleepless in Seattle well after I saw and declared my sleepy allegiance to While You Were Sleeping, so I was appropriately thunderstruck that anyone would put leaning aficionado Bill Pullman in this position. (Side note: as a person who is also allergic to “everything,” Walter is simply not the representation we deserve.) But, even though we see much more of Walter than we did of Joe in WHMS, he can’t make too much of an impression. He’s supposed to be the boring milquetoast alternative to Tom Hanks, after all.
We don’t see the whole breakup, but we see the most important parts: Annie telling Walter that she “can’t do this,” and Walter taking it graciously on the chin. “Walter, I don’t deserve you.” “No, I wouldn’t put it that way. But…okay!” There’s no malice, no anxiety, no real acknowledgement of mess. There’s just that affection that lets us believe Walter will always think warmly of Annie, even after she told him that he had become her second choice.
You’ve Got Mail (1998)
The couple: Kathleen Kelly & Frank Navasky
The key line: “You don’t love me. Me either!”
As far as I’m concerned, this is the ne plus ultra of amicable Meg Ryan breakups. Kathleen has been engaging in yet another adorable emotional affair with Tom Hanks (as Joe), outside her relationship with live-in boyfriend and professional cornball Greg Kinnear (as Frank). We aren’t meant to hate Frank, but he’s not meant to be a legitimate obstacle. At one point, Kathleen has to be reminded that she’s even in love with him. While Joe’s girlfriend Parker “Patricia” Posey represents the threat of sleek modernity, the life that Joe would have if he completely bought in to his Fox Books megastore worldview, Frank and his typewriter fixation represent the danger of Kathleen clinging to the past. So when Frank starts the noble breakup conversation, we’re meant to dissolve into the same relieved giggles as Kathleen does. And the breakup hits all the necessary beats of an amicable Meg Ryan breakup: the pair acknowledge how perfect on paper they are, leapfrog over any emotional mess (because they’re both not in love! Easy!), and are so immediately affectionate that they teehee together about Frank’s Republican crush. Everyone here is just so damn nice that nobody feels any type of way about being left, not even for someone else, but for “the dream of someone else.” We should all be so lucky.
this is my roman empire actually -- i could discuss bill pullman in sleepless in seattle/while you were sleeping for HOURS at a time
Oh poor Walter. You should read Lindy Wests “Butt News” Substack for Sleepless in Seattle. Absolutely hilarious.