I haven't seen enough of SATC to make an informed comment on Carrie specifically (although I did look forward to watching it on Fridays and changing the channel if my parents came in), but the main character of any TV show is going to make bigger mistakes, because that drives the plot, and they will have more flaws.
I am very emotionally attached to Gilmore Girls and relate heavily to Rory, who also gets a hard time, but her flaws and nuance are what adds to the story. I think sometimes fans seem to forget these aren't real people (although it's fun to imagine they are!) and consider why the writer(s) chose a specific storyline or trait.
Either way, I think in general there's a lot of internalised misogyny within these criticisms - women are 'annoying' but men are 'complicated'.
I never watched Gilmore Girls, but I do feel like a lot of reactions to Rory in the reboot were based in a similar, “I am in this photo and I don’t like it” vibe
The first time I watched SATC was while getting over my first (horrible) breakup, and yeah, Carrie’s unhealthy obsessions really made me feel like I wasn’t quite so abnormal after all.
People cannot handle complicated, "unlikeable" female characters. Carrie Bradshaw is an amazing character.]She is charming, infuriating, caring, selfish, delusional, talented...all of the things. Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't get enough credit for her acting in this series. It's not an easy role to pull off, but she is so winning and delightful that you forgive Carrie's foibles.
I started watching SATC the year I moved to NYC for college (1999-2000ish). I hated it at first, but it won me over. I did a rewatch recently, and it was actually better than I remembered it. And SO funny. I also love that the show isn't really about men at all - its about female friendship.
But yeah, sometimes, we are all a hot mess and make mistakes. I find that far more interesting than a "good" girl.
Carrie is flawed, but I really loved her arcs where she contemplated her previous abortion, her pregnancy scare in Season 1, and whether to have children or not in S6 (catch-38) it's super rare to see such a nuanced contemplation of having children over multiple seasons by a female character in TV.
I can't separate it from watching it with my bestie. She moved to Chicago in 2009, and every time I watch that show, I feel like we're hanging out. She made me love the show because she loved it so much. But now, as a grown ass lady, I was right to love it too.
You put into language so many thoughts I’ve had!! Thank you for this! I don’t trust people who say they hate Carrie because I think they just haven’t reckoned with the parts of themselves they see in her. Also, i will forever be on Carrie’s side in the Woman’s Right to Shoes ep!
If someone stole my shoes from a party and the host scolded me about the price of said shoes, I would strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger the likes of which have never been seen! Unacceptable!
I'm writing a piece about watching S1 & S2 of SATC and the sad fact is... we're all kind of Carrie lmao. Granted she is absolutely a lunatic in a lot of ways, but we've all made similar mistakes in dating as she did, I think that's why the character feels extra bristling, she's a mirror!
I just started the rewatch, from start to finish in chronological order (we do this bi-annually right?), and your perspective is chef's kiss commentary.
<3 "It’s worth the embarrassment, the risk of cringe, to let myself be a whole person who cares about and is cared about by other whole people."<3 ... As a fellow emotionally slutty person, I see you and I feel you!
I watched SATC a year ago now for the first time. I'm in my mid-30s, so maybe that's why I feel this way, but I didn't find Carrie to be unlikeable at all. I'll admit I don't struggle with the same things she does--obsessing over men, finding vulnerability icky, etc.--and perhaps that's why I didn't mind her as much. I honestly thought she was a really good friend.
Did she always make the conversations with her friends about Big? Yes. But then so does everyone else online making funny videos about rehashing the same situation a trillion times with no new details. Did she sometimes push her friends aside for a man? Yes. But then so does everyone else from time to time. Did she also contort herself to fit into whatever form the man she dated would find pleasing? Yes, but then that's incredibly common too.
Perhaps it's because I'm watching this in my 30s and not in my 20s, when I've seen so many people behave in a similar way and have a developed an acceptance for people's imperfections, but Carrie was a great and dynamic character. Samantha was my favorite, and I actually found Miranda to be the most annoying because of how judgmental and rigid she was.
Oh that’s so interesting. I was talking about the characters with my wife, and she pointed out that all four of them are rigid and judgmental about certain things, and all four of them grow to be less so over the course of the show. So the thing that we find them annoyingly rigid about says a lot about about us and what we value. Like, I find Charlotte’s class and gender rigidity really insufferable!
I can totally see that being the case and also agree with your wife. I'm very similar to Miranda--or at least, I was when I was younger. I wouldn't say that I had the same level of rigidity around finances/titles/careers, but I'm very career-focused. (I *just* got off a phone call with my mom about how I'm considering making a career move that she finds to be "objectionable," lol.)
I'd say I also deliver honest--"harsh"--feedback to my friends far too often, am the more realistic/practical friend of any group I'm in, and often rebuff traditional gender roles. These were the things I liked about her. I thought Steve's accent was annoying, but I found him to be good for Miranda, and while I can see why people hated him for her (he's accomplished "less" than her), I think they balanced each other out. I haven't seen the other shows, but I'm aware that Miranda and Steve part ways and Miranda comes out as a lesbian.
What made Miranda annoying to me (although she grew on me as the seasons went and I came to really like her) was how she seemed inflexible--a judgement I heard a lot about myself when I was younger. I didn't think I was inflexible. I thought everyone else around me was too lax! I am far more relaxed now, though. Miranda seemed eager to give advice, but not eager to receive it or consider others' perspectives in more than a passing way.
I think you’re totally on point with this, Marion! Carrie does remind us of ourselves or at least a part of ourselves, even if we are no longer that person. That makes it easy to roll her eyes and hate on her, but there’s something voyeuristic and real about that too.
Great piece! I also think your point on our society endorsing emotionally closed-off people and people who excel at their jobs, and hating the opposite, partially explains why so many people detest Carrie and write off the many questionable things Samantha does … also I think a lot of Samantha’s bits aged “well” in terms of what the Internet seems to love now, like hating kids and approaching relationships transactionally, but like all the other characters this is part of her arc!!
Oh absolutely; our culture has shifted so that Samantha and Miranda are much more normalized than they were 25 years ago. And Samantha’s arc on the show is so lovely that I still hate how they chose to explain her absence on AJLT.
I avoided SATC for a long time because I assumed there wouldn’t be much there for me as a straight guy, and was immediately embarrassed by how much I related to Carrie. Who among us hasn’t kept lowering the bar for someone we’re enamored with until we take it as a sign of love that they simply show up on time?
Me, seeing the title and tagline: “Oh, this must be about people who don’t like Carrie White - who are fundamentally wrong yet surely must exist. Her relationship to femininity, loneliness and religion really has a lot to - OH. The other one.”
I’ve never seen Sex and the City but I do love the scathing takedowns of AJLT floating around the Internet (Che Diaz, supervillain of our time). I will be referring to myself as emotionally slutty from now on!
This makes me think about how often characters that are beloved for being ‘relatable’ are assemblages of vaguely flattering quirks. They are sexy, idealized mirrors. It’s much harder to watch your deepest anxieties and fears play out, or to know that your avatar is creating her own personal tragedy!
Lmao your confusion is like when I heard they were making “Lovelace” starring Amanda Seyfried, and I was like “come on, women in STEM!” Nope, wrong Lovelace lady 🤣
I’m currently on s5 of my first ever SATC watch and this was such a fun read. I loved your analysis.
I’ve absorbed a lot of Carrie pop culture discourse over the years without ever watching the show, so I was very interested to experience her character for myself. I was totally ready for her to be crazy (and she is! like, absolutely bonkers at times!) but I didn’t anticipate how lovable she is!!! She’s funny and interesting and clever, and overall she is a truly good friend - while also being intensely self-absorbed sometimes. Carrie is so magnetic, and SJP really does an incredible job playing her.
I love the show and all four of the women so much. I don’t think I can bring myself to ever watch the movies or AJLT because I want the show to live as a pure, independent entity in my mind lol
Also I loved that you included the most Miranda coded line possible in this piece about Carrie: “The ongoing thrust of our work together is getting me less allergic to my own vulnerability.”
SATC probably has the best emotional/depth and contemplation from women (especially Carrie) about whether to have children or not and how to have these children (loove Carrie in the Baby Shower episode in S1). It was eye-opening to me! I also loved the whole Carrie doesn't have the "bride gene" in Season 4!! It was soo great!
The hives when she’s trying on the dress seemed SO dramatic to me. Cut to me in my 30s getting stress hives over life transitions. Sorry Carrie, you were fighting battles I had yet to understand!
As someone who stopped watching SATC after one season because I found Carrie so insufferable, this was an interesting perspective. Still can’t stand her but we love an emotional slut!
As a lover of the show, I’d recommend you give season 2 a try. The show gets truly excellent in seasons 3 and 4, but 2 is where it all started to come together beautifully.
I haven't seen enough of SATC to make an informed comment on Carrie specifically (although I did look forward to watching it on Fridays and changing the channel if my parents came in), but the main character of any TV show is going to make bigger mistakes, because that drives the plot, and they will have more flaws.
I am very emotionally attached to Gilmore Girls and relate heavily to Rory, who also gets a hard time, but her flaws and nuance are what adds to the story. I think sometimes fans seem to forget these aren't real people (although it's fun to imagine they are!) and consider why the writer(s) chose a specific storyline or trait.
Either way, I think in general there's a lot of internalised misogyny within these criticisms - women are 'annoying' but men are 'complicated'.
I never watched Gilmore Girls, but I do feel like a lot of reactions to Rory in the reboot were based in a similar, “I am in this photo and I don’t like it” vibe
100%. Some fans actually said they saw themselves in it when they rewatched some years later. I have never not claimed to be a mess lol.
The first time I watched SATC was while getting over my first (horrible) breakup, and yeah, Carrie’s unhealthy obsessions really made me feel like I wasn’t quite so abnormal after all.
Nothing like a crush or a heartbreak to make Carrie’s behavior extremely legible
People cannot handle complicated, "unlikeable" female characters. Carrie Bradshaw is an amazing character.]She is charming, infuriating, caring, selfish, delusional, talented...all of the things. Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't get enough credit for her acting in this series. It's not an easy role to pull off, but she is so winning and delightful that you forgive Carrie's foibles.
I started watching SATC the year I moved to NYC for college (1999-2000ish). I hated it at first, but it won me over. I did a rewatch recently, and it was actually better than I remembered it. And SO funny. I also love that the show isn't really about men at all - its about female friendship.
But yeah, sometimes, we are all a hot mess and make mistakes. I find that far more interesting than a "good" girl.
Carrie is flawed, but I really loved her arcs where she contemplated her previous abortion, her pregnancy scare in Season 1, and whether to have children or not in S6 (catch-38) it's super rare to see such a nuanced contemplation of having children over multiple seasons by a female character in TV.
i LOVED that episode. It was really well done.
That’s funny; I used to hate the show as well! But something switched in my late 20s and now I love it dearly.
I can't separate it from watching it with my bestie. She moved to Chicago in 2009, and every time I watch that show, I feel like we're hanging out. She made me love the show because she loved it so much. But now, as a grown ass lady, I was right to love it too.
You put into language so many thoughts I’ve had!! Thank you for this! I don’t trust people who say they hate Carrie because I think they just haven’t reckoned with the parts of themselves they see in her. Also, i will forever be on Carrie’s side in the Woman’s Right to Shoes ep!
If someone stole my shoes from a party and the host scolded me about the price of said shoes, I would strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger the likes of which have never been seen! Unacceptable!
I'm writing a piece about watching S1 & S2 of SATC and the sad fact is... we're all kind of Carrie lmao. Granted she is absolutely a lunatic in a lot of ways, but we've all made similar mistakes in dating as she did, I think that's why the character feels extra bristling, she's a mirror!
And lord knows a lot of us hate a mirror!
Looking forward to this piece, too
she was delulu before it became a trend lol
I just started the rewatch, from start to finish in chronological order (we do this bi-annually right?), and your perspective is chef's kiss commentary.
<3 "It’s worth the embarrassment, the risk of cringe, to let myself be a whole person who cares about and is cared about by other whole people."<3 ... As a fellow emotionally slutty person, I see you and I feel you!
“Are we sluts?” Yeah kinda 🤗🤗
I watched SATC a year ago now for the first time. I'm in my mid-30s, so maybe that's why I feel this way, but I didn't find Carrie to be unlikeable at all. I'll admit I don't struggle with the same things she does--obsessing over men, finding vulnerability icky, etc.--and perhaps that's why I didn't mind her as much. I honestly thought she was a really good friend.
Did she always make the conversations with her friends about Big? Yes. But then so does everyone else online making funny videos about rehashing the same situation a trillion times with no new details. Did she sometimes push her friends aside for a man? Yes. But then so does everyone else from time to time. Did she also contort herself to fit into whatever form the man she dated would find pleasing? Yes, but then that's incredibly common too.
Perhaps it's because I'm watching this in my 30s and not in my 20s, when I've seen so many people behave in a similar way and have a developed an acceptance for people's imperfections, but Carrie was a great and dynamic character. Samantha was my favorite, and I actually found Miranda to be the most annoying because of how judgmental and rigid she was.
Oh that’s so interesting. I was talking about the characters with my wife, and she pointed out that all four of them are rigid and judgmental about certain things, and all four of them grow to be less so over the course of the show. So the thing that we find them annoyingly rigid about says a lot about about us and what we value. Like, I find Charlotte’s class and gender rigidity really insufferable!
I can totally see that being the case and also agree with your wife. I'm very similar to Miranda--or at least, I was when I was younger. I wouldn't say that I had the same level of rigidity around finances/titles/careers, but I'm very career-focused. (I *just* got off a phone call with my mom about how I'm considering making a career move that she finds to be "objectionable," lol.)
I'd say I also deliver honest--"harsh"--feedback to my friends far too often, am the more realistic/practical friend of any group I'm in, and often rebuff traditional gender roles. These were the things I liked about her. I thought Steve's accent was annoying, but I found him to be good for Miranda, and while I can see why people hated him for her (he's accomplished "less" than her), I think they balanced each other out. I haven't seen the other shows, but I'm aware that Miranda and Steve part ways and Miranda comes out as a lesbian.
What made Miranda annoying to me (although she grew on me as the seasons went and I came to really like her) was how she seemed inflexible--a judgement I heard a lot about myself when I was younger. I didn't think I was inflexible. I thought everyone else around me was too lax! I am far more relaxed now, though. Miranda seemed eager to give advice, but not eager to receive it or consider others' perspectives in more than a passing way.
I think you’re totally on point with this, Marion! Carrie does remind us of ourselves or at least a part of ourselves, even if we are no longer that person. That makes it easy to roll her eyes and hate on her, but there’s something voyeuristic and real about that too.
Thank you Ramya!
Great piece! I also think your point on our society endorsing emotionally closed-off people and people who excel at their jobs, and hating the opposite, partially explains why so many people detest Carrie and write off the many questionable things Samantha does … also I think a lot of Samantha’s bits aged “well” in terms of what the Internet seems to love now, like hating kids and approaching relationships transactionally, but like all the other characters this is part of her arc!!
Oh absolutely; our culture has shifted so that Samantha and Miranda are much more normalized than they were 25 years ago. And Samantha’s arc on the show is so lovely that I still hate how they chose to explain her absence on AJLT.
I have refused to watch AJLT and the more I hear the more confident I feel in that decision!
I avoided SATC for a long time because I assumed there wouldn’t be much there for me as a straight guy, and was immediately embarrassed by how much I related to Carrie. Who among us hasn’t kept lowering the bar for someone we’re enamored with until we take it as a sign of love that they simply show up on time?
Ooooof, yes
Me, seeing the title and tagline: “Oh, this must be about people who don’t like Carrie White - who are fundamentally wrong yet surely must exist. Her relationship to femininity, loneliness and religion really has a lot to - OH. The other one.”
I’ve never seen Sex and the City but I do love the scathing takedowns of AJLT floating around the Internet (Che Diaz, supervillain of our time). I will be referring to myself as emotionally slutty from now on!
This makes me think about how often characters that are beloved for being ‘relatable’ are assemblages of vaguely flattering quirks. They are sexy, idealized mirrors. It’s much harder to watch your deepest anxieties and fears play out, or to know that your avatar is creating her own personal tragedy!
Lmao your confusion is like when I heard they were making “Lovelace” starring Amanda Seyfried, and I was like “come on, women in STEM!” Nope, wrong Lovelace lady 🤣
I’m currently on s5 of my first ever SATC watch and this was such a fun read. I loved your analysis.
I’ve absorbed a lot of Carrie pop culture discourse over the years without ever watching the show, so I was very interested to experience her character for myself. I was totally ready for her to be crazy (and she is! like, absolutely bonkers at times!) but I didn’t anticipate how lovable she is!!! She’s funny and interesting and clever, and overall she is a truly good friend - while also being intensely self-absorbed sometimes. Carrie is so magnetic, and SJP really does an incredible job playing her.
I love the show and all four of the women so much. I don’t think I can bring myself to ever watch the movies or AJLT because I want the show to live as a pure, independent entity in my mind lol
Please just stick to SATC and not AJLT. It’s better for everyone that way.
Also I loved that you included the most Miranda coded line possible in this piece about Carrie: “The ongoing thrust of our work together is getting me less allergic to my own vulnerability.”
Haaahahaha I am still Miranda and she is still me
SATC probably has the best emotional/depth and contemplation from women (especially Carrie) about whether to have children or not and how to have these children (loove Carrie in the Baby Shower episode in S1). It was eye-opening to me! I also loved the whole Carrie doesn't have the "bride gene" in Season 4!! It was soo great!
The hives when she’s trying on the dress seemed SO dramatic to me. Cut to me in my 30s getting stress hives over life transitions. Sorry Carrie, you were fighting battles I had yet to understand!
As someone who stopped watching SATC after one season because I found Carrie so insufferable, this was an interesting perspective. Still can’t stand her but we love an emotional slut!
As a lover of the show, I’d recommend you give season 2 a try. The show gets truly excellent in seasons 3 and 4, but 2 is where it all started to come together beautifully.